You’re not good enough.
It’s a lie you hear every day from the enemy. Affirming your insecurities, telling you all the ways you don’t measure up.
In our flesh, we often equate being good with being loved. All the attention and love and praise you get as a child when you do something good. Good girl! That’s contrary to what the Gospel says: you don’t have to be good enough. It is Jesus’s righteousness that makes us good enough. You may not be good enough- but you are most definitely loved. That’s where your value lies.
How do you determine what something is worth? Simple: what someone is willing to pay for it. Jesus’s sacrifice for us- not good enough as we are- has determined for all time our value!
But what about when your spouse isn’t good enough?
It’s true, he’s not good enough. You see the ways he fails. And when he is reminded of that failure, he assumes he is not loved. Or lovable.
Feeling unloved truly cripples you. And couple that with knowing you’re not good enough- for your spouse or for anyone- and it’s a recipe for disaster.
There were times where I did not remind Joe of his value. I would assume he knew I loved him – so I would focus on his faults. Inadvertently, I was communicating that he wasn’t good enough. That he didn’t have value. Or not enough value for me.
In marriage you have the unique opportunity to speak into your spouse’s life. Your words and actions can communicate that value to him every day.
Joe already struggles with his self-worth and feeling loved. We all do, to some degree. But reminding my husband of his value in Christ does not mean I ignore his weaknesses. Or pretend that he’s perfect. It’s communicating that he’s valuable to God, valuable to me. He is loved. Christ-like love is accepting him and loving him in spite of his weaknesses. Not because he’s a good enough person but because God has given him inherent value in creating him and dying for him. That’s the lens I need to see him thorough. Then treat him accordingly.
How do you communicate that kind of love to your spouse? Let’s talk baseball.
When there is something you deeply value, you’ll do anything for it. The year that the Cubs were in the World Series, it was common to hear (even in my house)- What I would do to have tickets to that game! I’d do anything to be there when the Cubs win it all!
In that postseason, the Cubs had soooo much value. The prices the tickets actually sold for proved it. They were loved. Even through all those years that they weren’t good enough. That’s where all the value of that legendary year came from: Because they first were loved. Way before they had the talent and the titles and the trophies.
And in the end the fans said, “I always believed. I always knew they would get there.”
Sure, many became Cubs fans in the end, because they were a stellar team, but we all know those aren’t the true Cubs fans ;). Because they only believed after they got real good, right?
Can you say that about your spouse?
That even when he isn’t good enough, when he falls short, that you see the value no one else sees? Love always hopes, always believes. Can you choose to love him when he’s not good enough?
That’s the kind of love Christ has shown us- He has loved us before we were good enough, and that very love He has for us is what gives us value. And gives your spouse value!
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. 1 John 3:1