“I first fell in love with his eyes”
“There’s just something about her eyes”
So much of falling in love with someone has something to do with the eyes.
Sing with me, all you who lived in the 90’s…..Look into my eyes…You will see…What you mean to me….
When Joe and I started dating in the 90’s I wrote in my diary: “He has the kind of eyes I could look into forever.” (and to be completely honest, right after that I also wrote, “I think.” Joe still teases me about that!)
The eyes have a lot to do with staying in love, too!
I still love looking into Joe’s eyes. He does have the kind of eyes I can look into forever. But sometimes we let days go by without really looking into each other’s eyes. We look at each other, we glance at each other, but we don’t have that solid, soul-piercing eye contact.
This reminds me of the word “Behold!” which we read often in the Bible. The word sounds a bit antiquated but I love the meaning behind it- not just to to look at, but to to take in, and let what you see change you. 1 Cor. talks about how beholding the glory of the Lord transforms us and Hebrews 12:2 urges us to fix our eyes on Him. God is all about where we fix our eyes and what we let our eyes see!
But somehow life gets in the way of the simple act of looking in our spouse’s eyes. We let other things take our attention.
Joe and I may see each other all day- but we never look into each others eyes, truly look into each other’s eyes.
I notice I miss him.
Then I start to misunderstand him.
When we avoid eye contact, it’s easier to be dishonest and hide what I’m feeling. Easier for me to miss stuff. And much easier to become disconnected.
So look here, honey.
Choose to look.
Stay. Gaze. Look up from your phone. How often we need this reminder. Not just glancing up, yes honey? and glancing back down (guilty). Give the gift of your attention. These days having someone’s full and undivided attention is a rare thing!
Look when it counts the most and when you want to the least.
Joe and I find it really easy to avoid each other’s eyes when we’re in the middle of an argument. Once I’ve made him into the enemy, then I just don’t want to look in his eyes. It’s the last thing I want to do. I’d much rather stare down the throw pillows on the couch. I’ve memorized every pattern color square flower petal on those throw pillows, anything to not have to look him in the eye.
Because looking into his eyes forces me to
humanify- humanitize? Humanize, that’s it. I humanize and dignify my husband when I look into his eyes. He becomes a person and not a problem.
Look, then listen.
What are his eyes saying? What is he feeling? We can misread our spouse’s feelings and intentions when we avoid eye contact. The more we make eye contact, the better we will not just know their feelings, but we’re more likely to empathize with them.