Does your marriage have that perpetual problem? You know, the same argument, the same exact conversation, where you say the same exact things and end up in the same spot. One behavior triggers a behavior in the other person, and you both know it was the other person that started it. At least that’s how it goes down with us. It can be so frustrating it’s laughable. We call that our loops.
Is there hope to escape the loop? I think so. But the secret to reversing those loops is stepping outside of yourself and your experiences. Talk about your triggers and take a stab at understanding why your spouse is reacting the way he or she does instead of dismissing them. Work at understanding your spouse’s point of view more than trying to be understood.
This is the hard work. When God is asking you to listen. Taking a step towards your spouse to validate what he may be feeling. Joe and I still have loops to work through, we don’t always understand each other and it’s complicated by the effects of trauma. Gah, there are some loops that have taken us years and years to work through. But then the hundredth same conversation it’s like, oooohh, now I get it, I get why he would react that way. The loop makes sense, and now we know how to break it.
When we submit to God’s will for our lives, He gives us the patience and strength to love even in the loops . We can take that step of humility and give each other the benefit of the doubt: We may not see eye to eye on this, but we still love each other. We’re still committed to each other, and the enemy will not use this loop to push us apart. We’re not giving up!
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor. 13:7