Often in marriage I find myself saying I’ll forgive you, but… you should repay me just a little bit. If we feel like our spouse now owes us in some way, we haven’t truly forgiven. Forgiveness is canceling the debt.
But when we let God soften our hearts, forgiveness becomes the default. It frees us up. That doesn’t mean that our hurts don’t matter or that we have to act like it never happened. Forgiving doesn’t mean we sweep it all under the rug just to keep the peace. Building a culture of forgiveness in our marriage meant first learning to be humble and honest with each other. Not rushing the process, not entertaining bitterness, but pursuing true understanding and reconciliation.