Does your spouse ever do something and that doesn’t make sense or is not in line with his character? Or maybe a random freak-out, or something he could have handled differently. When this happens, I jump on the offense and think, why would be say that, and assume the worst of his intentions.
Instead I need to kill that negative interpretation in its tracks. This has been a big issue for us, especially with Joe’s past being such contrast with mine, that often nothing he does, says, or thinks, makes any sense to me. But I jump to criticism way too quickly. I assume my viewpoint on the world is the only one that exists. I forget that he has his own set of experiences that he filters life through.
I know he’s a good husband. I made the list. I know he loves me and doesn’t try to intentionally hurt me. Yet, it’s my own pride that puts me in the mode of “how dare you!” And to quote the soup nazi, “No Grace For You!!”
I once hear another marriage writer refer to this situation- She recommended that if your spouse says does something out of character, first ask yourself, what’s going on here?
Chances are there’s something you can’t see. How many times have you jumped on your spouse’s case about some little thing, only to find out exactly what had happened that day and what he was dealing with. Oh. That’s what was going on. Oh, his reaction makes a whole lot of sense now.
And do I not wish that my husband would take that same stance with me? To be just a little bit curious of what’s going on with me, when I overreact? Of course.
Instead of jumping to the negative, ask questions. And not necessarily out loud. I wonder what caused that kind of behavior. Wow, that’s not like him/her, I need to be curious about what’s going on.
Curiosity over criticism, every time.