There’s nothing more destructive to a relationship than lies. Everyone knows that a good relationship is based on mutual honesty. But we’re not just talking about telling the truth to each other. Often the bigger challenge is to tell the truth to ourselves. There are so many lies that we can believe about our marriages, and sometime we don’t even know we’re believing lies. They just sort of sneak in little by little until they blend right in and you don’t even realize the deception that they are.
Here are a few lies that Joe and I have had to fight against:
1. My marriage is about making me happy. I spend more time frustrated with you than happy and that’s not fair. You’re doing XYZ wrong, that bothers me, you should change so you can meet all my needs and preferences.
Not true! No person can complete us or meet all of our needs. We find our true identity in Jesus and only He can make us whole. Putting that expectation on our spouse is way too much to put on one human and will drain the life of your marriage!
2. My spouse should get me. It’s my spouse’s fault that he doesn’t understand me or— If he doesn’t get me, that means we can’t have a strong marriage.
Not true! Marriage does not guarantee that this person will have a complete window into our soul. The whole long process of being married does allow us to get know another person very, very, well, but only our Creator truly knows us, even when we don’t know ourselves. The times that Joe and I don’t get each other- which is often- I am reminded to first lay may need to be understood to the Lord, and second, to continue to work on our communication and listening skills with a graceful heart. And that is why we have a lifetime together, because it just might take that long for you to get me!
3. It will never get better. We’re stuck in the same awful place that we have been in and there’s no point in even trying.
Not true! There is always hope. Psalm 119:50, My comfort in suffering is this- Your promise preserves my life. God is always working even when we can’t see it. Don’t give up hope!
4. I’m too damaged- inadequate to be good husband/wife. It’s all my fault, and my past has doomed me.
Not true! This is one that Joe struggles with. 2 Corinthians 5:17- In Christ we are a new creation. We are not defined by our past or our mistakes but by what Christ has done for us. There are still times of struggle and we still fail. But each day is a day that He is making us new!
Do you find yourself believing any of those? It makes it easier to fight against them when you can at least call them out by name. Call it for what it is – Lies- and speak the truth to yourself!